“‘Mother,’ said the girl, ‘I thought that we exchanged beds to prevent such a problem.’“‘So we did, my dear. The priest said that for you and your brother to remain in the same one would be incest.”I laughed.“But perhaps it tells better in Swedish.”From down the hall, came thumping from her parents’ room. Seeing that I was wondering, “A family holiday,” she explained, her hold moving from my shoulders to my collarbone, her wrist on my breast, her heel hooked over my ankle.THURSDAY, named for Thor, god of thunderI didn’t think of it at the time, but when Inge crawled out of bed — I was already reading my Lonely Planet --.she was in different panties. What made me think of it was that when I was heading for breakfast and passed Stefan’s room, there on the floor were the ones she’d had on when she headed for bed.The mystery panties were picked up when I came back.Several mysteries, actually, Stefan sometimes disappearing with his mom into one of their rooms, or Inge with him or her. Amoment later my shoulders slumped, and my hair spilled over my face atthe same time that shame washed over my heart. I was letting my onetrue love, Rebecca, down. At that moment, it seemed to me that mycross-dressing had brought me nothing but shame. When I had firststarted, as a child, I felt ashamed every time I did it. Later shamewashed over me every time I got outed. Then I felt ashamed when Ifinally had to tell everyone I was going to live as a woman full-time,and I was ashamed when I told my parents.Even now, having finally reached a point where I was comfortable asSara, I was feeling like a horrible failure because my needs caused painfor my wife. Those wretched needs had forced us apart and now seemedready to doom our marriage. If I got what I needed, Rebecca wouldn't. Igot lost in the emptiness of that thought, as if we had already splitup.I felt a touch on my arm, which forced me to look up, even though I nowhad tears in my eyes.Rebecca gazed at me, her brow knitted.
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